


Naming The Stars

by whatagoodboy



Category: Glee
Genre: Gen, M/M, Transgender, ftm!Kurt
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2011-11-23
Updated: 2011-11-23
Packaged: 2017-10-26 11:37:34
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 2,667
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/282586
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/whatagoodboy/pseuds/whatagoodboy
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>A cellophane bag of glow-in-the-dark, stick to the ceiling stars shapes Kurt Hummel's life in unexpected ways. This 'verse starts when Kurt is known as Kathryn. He's a small boy, labeled a girl--who loves stories and words and the safety of his bedroom.</p>
            </blockquote>





	Naming The Stars

**Author's Note:**

> Slightly AU--will deviate from canon as the story moves on. In the beginning? Kurt is five. His Mom is alive, and plants the seeds that teach him who he is, how the world can be, and how to love.

"Mama?" she asks, "What's the name of the bear one? The one I can't find sometimes?"

Looking down from the stepladder she's perched on, peeling off the tacky backing of another plastic star to stick on the sharply plastered ceiling, Elizabeth Hummel thinks for a minute. The little scrunched-up, deep in thought face looking up at her making her smile fondly. "Hmmmm, Ursa Major? Is that the one, lovey?" Elizabeth replies. A huge smile is her reward for the answer.

"Yeah, Mama! That's the one. Can we call it a different thing? I want to call it Pooh. I can remember Pooh. 'An Pooh is a bear so that would work, and we could know that it means the real name, right?" Katie starts to bounce up and down on the bed with glee, her pyjamas half-unbuttoned--bottoms askew, one flannel leg pushed up to her knee--the other highlighting one naked foot; a sock has escaped somehow, and Elizabeth knows she'll find the rogue buried in the sheets come laundry day.

"I LOVE these stars Mama! Can there be a galaxy and some moons and..."

The excited babble coming from her child's mouth fills Elizabeth's ears. Honestly? The child is a chatterbox on an epic scale. Purely on a whim, she'd picked up the bag of Glow-In-The-Dark stars while crankily waiting in line to check out at the grocery store. There'd been a person with an ENDLESS supply of coupons ahead of her, most of them expired--initaiting an exhausting "but, I can still use this one, right?" debate with the harried looking cashier.

They'd been left haphazardly on top of the candy and gum displays--the wee package, probably placed there by a parent tired of hearing plaintive cries of, "Buuuuuuuut, MOM, PLEASE? I'll be good. I really want THESE". Something about the crinkled, faded package had called to her--urged her to pick it up and toss it into her cart. She'd always been one to take in the saddest, most lost or broken things she could find. Three-legged chairs, runty, street marred cats...

Burt liked to joke that Elizabeth wanted to bring home and take care of "all of the Charlie Brown Christmas Trees of the world". But, the excited gasp Katie'd made when she'd pulled the package out from behind her back, and presented her with it made her forget the joking entirely. The child had not grabbed for it, like many her age would have--she looked at Elizabeth, eyes wide--face suddenly solemn, and gently; almost reverently taken it out of her hands.

"Mama, these are STARS--the ones that keep shining when you turn the lights off! There's big ones, an' little ones...and..." sitting down, right where she'd been standing, Katie motioned to Elizabeth, indicating that she wanted her right down there with her. Smiling, Elizabeth complied--her back aching in protest as she lowered herself down next to her baby. "I seed these on t.v., Mama. There was a boy and he had these and it looked like _magic_  when his Daddy turned off the lights..."

"Katie, love--you _saw_  those on t.v. You didn't "seed" them." Elizabeth mentions.

"I did too seed them, Mama!" Katie protests.

Deciding that right this moment is perhaps not the best time for a language usage lesson, she reaches down and gently helps Katie get the stubborn plastic bag open. As the pieces slide out onto the floor, into view--Katie's eyes grow wider and wider. Shuffling through the selection, they find stars of all sizes--and best of all? A few moons and some vaguely planetoid-shaped spheres that Elizabeth figures " _must be meant to represent planets. None that I've ever seen--but planets regardless."_

"Can we put these up tonight before Daddy comes home? I want to surprise him--he was showing me the 'Lil Dipper on the other night, and I was so 'cited when I founded it. Remember the night when it got all rainy, Mama, and me and Daddy came inside when the clouds covered up the stars?" Katie asks.

Elizabeth did remember, and well. She'd sent her husband and little one outside-theoretically so they could spend some time together, but really? Because Katie had been underfoot all evening, "helping you cook, right?" as she'd tried to assemble some sort of interesting and nutritious dinner. It was not a child-friendly recipe that she'd chosen, and after the thirty-third bit of carrot had hit the floor--her assistant chef not able to control the dull knife that she'd been given, that Elizabeth sucked in a deep breath and called for her husband for a diversion.

"BURT, honey? How 'bout you take the ragamuffin out and do some star gazing?" she'd asked.

Burt, her constant knight in shining armor--had swooped down, scooped his wriggling child up into his arms, and whispered, "Stars? Now? Liz, it's about to pour out there."

"Well, Burt, unless you don't mind carrots in your stew that may or may not be covered in sticky, mystery matter from--not only the kitchen floor, but whatever else she's had her hands in today..." she said.

Chuckling, he replied, "Ok, say no more. Stars it is Kiddo!"

Off they'd gone. Watching through the kitchen window, Elizabeth had seen the pair, hand in hand--wandering around the back yard, pointing upward, and laughing together. Katie, chatting animatedly--her small hand fitting like it was designed by the universe solely to fit into her husband's grasp. Burt, smiling, his eyes crinkled in a deep way--with an expression he seemed to only have when with his baby, spoke little.

Dinner burbling on the stove a few moments later, Elizabeth rested her chin in her hands, bracing her elbows on the edge of the kitchen sink, sneaking another peek out the window--the fading light making it harder to see well. Squinting, she scanned the view, and what she saw, brought a hot prickle to tears to her eyes. Burt had Katie in his lap, his brown coat bundled around her. She looked so small then, her Katie. Her husband was gesturing toward the sky, and the tiny tousle-haired brunette imp was still--head tipped, following Burt's confident gesturing with such an intense expression, that Elizabeth felt her breath catch in her throat.

 _"Her daddy. She's safe. Oh, she's so loved. He holds the answers to the Universe for her. I hope she'll always know this love. Our love."_  she thought. Not one to believe in a traditional God, Elizabeth found herself praying regardless, beseeching the Great Beyond for the well-being of her loves. 

 _"Dear...God, I don't know what I'm doing here. I wish for...please, please...take care of us? Help us? This world is so...it's so...big. I want our baby to know how treasured she is. Burt, oh, Burt...you frustratingly amazing man. I swear to everything beautiful in the Universe, I will love and be the best person I can possibly be for these two. For, the future...for...forever. Amen."_

When the damp pair clomped their way back inside--drizzle forcing the end of "Star Time With Daddy", Burt gave her a quizzical look. Elizabeth knew her emotions from the moments earlier were written all over her face, in a language that Burt spoke well. She'd simply clasped one of his hands in hers, kissed him quickly, and whispered, "Everything's okay. It's okay."

"Mama! Muuuuma!' 

Startled out of her reverie by a young one--pitch levels rising dangerously, Elizabeth shakes her head, clearing her mind breifly before responding, "Yes, baby. We can put up all of them before Daddy gets home."

"Okay, we've got a few up now. You want to direct? Tell me where the next ones should go." she says.

 _"Early bedtime? Yep, that's all sorts of cancelled Elizabeth",_  runs the commentary in her mind.

Katie bites her lips--worrying them to a degree that makes her mother wonder if blood might actually be drawn. "Honey, it's alright. We can always change the placement if you decide on different spots later." 

Blue-green eyes widen at the suggestion. "No, Mama--it is  _super_ special. I want one of those big ones right over my bed" Katie says. "An' one of those almost as big ones right next to it." she proclaims confidently.

"The biggest one is gonna be the Daddy star. The littler one is the Mama star."

Carefully selecting the requested shapes, Elizabeth sighs happily, and begins the arduous task of peeling yet another small bit of paper off of one--then the other. The biggest star of the bunch sticking to the end of one fingertip, and the next biggest precariously attatched to a thumb pad, she peers down at her child. "Right. Where to, exactly, lovey?"

Executing an impossibly bendy flip and twirl that only small childen can manage, Katie twists her little body up towards the headboard of her bed. Pointing with her entire being, she squeals delightedly, "Riiiiiiiiiight THERE, Mama. Right 'bove my pillows. I can see them glowing right in my eyes every night."

 _"Of course, she'd pick the area most impossible to reach via stepladder..."_  Elizabeth muses. 

"Oh, child of mine. Do you think Mama can even reach over there?"

Katie takes stock of the amount of space between the top of her head and the ceiling. Head tilted, thoughfully she quietly says, "Yep, Mama. You can. I know you can. Maybe you're gonna have to reeeeeeeeeeeeeallly stretch." Arms arched over her head, straining with effort to mimic a super-stretch-pyjama sleeves rucked up comically, she adds, "See? Big, long, reaching."

Elizabeth climbs down from the stepladder, and gingerly steps up on the bed. The mattress gives with a vaguely alarming squoosh under her stockinged feet. Katie curls her self into a small ball, making herself appear like a wee bug.

"Mama, I maked myself little. Now you have lots of space. Reach, Mama! Reach really hard!"

One hand braced on the wall behind her, her other hand still be-stickered, Elizabeth takes a deep breath, wills the upcoming effort to " _work, oh, please work--getting one shot with these sticky bastards"_ , and extends her fingertips toward the rough, bumpy, surface above her head.

Feeling a bead of sweat rise on her forehead, she closes her eyes and presses upward. _"Success!"_ crows a voice in her head. Hoping that she's reached with enough force to make the stars stay in their intended locations--Elizabeth peers down at Katie triumphantly.

"There you go, baby. Mama and Daddy stars."

Expecting a babbly cheer, or a contented squeal, she's surprised that Katie simply peers upward. Quiet. There's an expression on her face that Elizabeth is fairly certain she's not seen before. It's as if a small storm has suddenly brewed, and Katie's features betray the tumult and the swiftly moving force of it. Pink lips press together in a grim line, and a watery shimmer glints on the normally placid surface of her eyes.

Sitting down carefully, Elizabeth crosses her legs, and gathers the small body to hers. "Honey? What's going on? You were so excited about these stars just a minute ago."

"I love them. I do. I LOVE them, Mama." comes a croaked reply, "I jus' remembered something Daddy told me. He told me that stars live for a really, really, long time--way longer than people do. I got a little sad because I thinked of that. Are these stars going to live longer than you and Daddy will?.

" _Oh. OH. How do I...right. Honesty, Liz."_ she thinks.

"Well...lovey, one day--hopefully one that is a really, _really,_ long time from now, yes, Mama and Daddy will die. I think that you will be a grown-up, and it will be really difficult. Remember when Gramma Linda died, and I was very sad?" 

A tiny nod spurs her on, giving her courage to continue with a topic that is so goddamned _real_ it makes it hard to breathe properly. "Well, I still think about her every day--all the time. I get upset because I can't reach out and kiss her head, or say hello. She's in my heart--in yours too. Nothing will ever take her away from me, not even the fact that I can't see her unless I close my eyes and remember her face in my mind. Does that make sense? I like to think she's out in the stars--floating happy, and that she looks down at us and loves us, even that she knows what's happening in our little house."

Katie escapes her tight embrace, wriggling out like a newly-born Butterfly shrugging off a cocoon. Placing her warm, slightly-sticky hands ( _"Where does the sticky even come from? She's bathed. It's as if crumbs fall out of her butt and jam eminates from her pores..."_ ) on her mother's face, she brings her tiny nose to press against Elizabeth's own. "Mama, then we better put up a star for Gramma Linda up there too. 'An one for me. We can tell her stuff at nighttime, and then I will see her shining with you and Daddy."

Eyes burning with gratitude for her little bundle of thoughful sweetness, Elizabeth places a kiss on the tip of Katie's nose , and rises from the bed. Striding over to the cellophane bag, she reaches in, and pulls out two little stars. "One for Gramma Linda, and one for Katie. Near the Mama and Daddy stars?" she asks.

"Nope! I want me to be by the Mama and Daddy ones, and Gramma's to be by the Pooh one. 'Member me and Gramma watched Winnie together?" replies Katie, the cheerful pitch of her voice returned.

After a few more minutes of star placement, Katie and Elizabeth are huddled together--lights in the room off, when a confident, thunking set of footsteps resounds from the hallway. Burt Hummel peeks into the room, wondering why his family is in the near dark. "Hey, you crazy loons--what's up with the darkness?" he asks.

A sleepily excited voice answers, "Daddy! C'mere and look! Me and Mama have glow-in-the-dark stars! The biggest one is you, and the littler one next to it is Mama...and then see the teeny one? That's me! And there's a Pooh star and a Gramma Linda star...."

Burt really wants to follow the entire stream of his kid's chatter, but can't quite make his brain comprehend the words as quickly as she's letting them loose from her mouth. Blindly fumbling for the bed, his hands land on the shadowy form of his wife first. "Move over, Liz--this is a twin bed" he huffs.

"So? Stars, eh? Well, kiddo--they are pretty damned awesome. I like the glowiness of them."

He can't see Katie's grin, but he swears he can _feel_ it.

"Daddy, maybe on another day can we do a Big Dipper? she asks, sounding mere seconds from falling asleep.

"Absolutely, poop. On another day, for sure." Reaching over to where he's figured Katie's head is, he presses a big hand to her forehead, leans over, and kisses her on the cheek with a loud smack.

Elizabeth, sensing that Katie's soon to be out like a light, presses a kiss of her own to the child's cheek.

"Sweet dreams, lovey. Dream good things. I'll see you in the morning, 'kay?" 

Pulling Burt up, the two of them walk toward the bedroom door. A small, quiet voice breaks the silence. "Mama and Daddy? I want to always see you on every morning. Ever. Okay?"

Burt inhales sharply, pauses for a minute, and says, "We'll do the very best we can do to make that work, okay?"

"Mmmmmmm" Katie mumbles.

Hand in hand, Burt and Elizabeth lean against the doorjamb, listening to the sound of their child's deepening breathing, and watch the glowing yellow above her head--holding on to the moment. Hearts and souls in the stars, where time is endless-and anything is possible.

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 


End file.
